There is always a certain amount of grief in the falling of joyous tears.
They come with the meeting of that which we've bee longing for... for years.
In the discovery of this gratitude we also feel the pain of the separation of what was always right there.
A remembering of that which we have forgotten in the mind... but it is always available through the body.
In many cultures, tears conjure up a direct association to sadness, grief & pain. I have had many experiences - on my journey of allowing joy to come through - where tears would fall from a joyous moment however I then notice a sadness push through. Like in the witnessing of myself crying I judge my tears as sad as, after all, that's what happens when I'm sad, tears fall.
So, as you invite more opportunities for joy into your life know that tears will come. The startling truth that jolts us in moments of joyous insight or pleasure unleashes a dam and they will turn your eyes in to magnificent waterfalls.
They key is to keep your presence amongst the joyousness of the moment while still allowing the felt sense of the grief to fuel your sensations. They belong together... don't try to force them apart.
David Whyte says, in 'Apprentice to the arc of your Disappearance'; "One of the dynamics that holds us back from a courageous discipline application to the central conversation in our lives is the understanding that when you experience that joy, you'll also experience the full grief of its possible loss and passing."
"Just as when we get close to a son or a daughter and feel the untrammeled joy of that love we find ourselves holding back from the deepest levels of those affections because part of you asks yourself - 'if I felt my love and my affection at such a level what would i do if I lost it? And what would I do if I lost them?'. It would be almost too catastrophic to contemplate."
"So that one of the underlying obstacles that remains between us and the life we want for ourselves is the possibility of actually living that life and of wondering who you would be and how you could bear it if you then had to give it away, if you then lost it."
"There is a way in which we hold our talents inside ourselves in a kind of private cradling, not letting them out into the world. Understanding that once we have actually hazarded ourselves in the eyes of others, in the real social world that those hidden private cradlings will in effect go through a kind of death and be transformed by the very people we're actually trying to help with them, to transform, to impress. To simply be seen in their company that every creative act is indeed a form of meeting with its own demise and a breaking open into something much larger."
So the next time you feel your tears of joy rolling down your cheek welcome too the drops of grief falling away. Tears of joy are from a life well lived. The joy opens the portal and the grief falls through. They are lovers who come into union when we are shamelessly alive.